if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
