Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
