I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I am naked and annoyed.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
