look no pants
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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