did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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