i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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