I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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