oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
