I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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