Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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