I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
