I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
