Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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