oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Randomize
