I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
