Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
