she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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