If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
