This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
