All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
