I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
