She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
