if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it's like iHOP with fire
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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