youre lurking in front of me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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