I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Fuck appropriateness.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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