I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
