I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
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