Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
