so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
honey bunches of taint.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
