I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
