I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
