Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
