I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
