OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
