Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
