my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
