I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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