So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
