am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
