She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
