saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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