My brain says no but my pants say off.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
