Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
