I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
