Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
