proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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