rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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