i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
