Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
God I need to hump something, right now.
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