i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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